i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
