physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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