so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
