My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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