I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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