Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
