Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
