it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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