My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i wish my penis had a tongue
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
