I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
