Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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