sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
