Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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