Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
