Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
