your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
