I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
