Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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