All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
His nipple licking is glorious
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