I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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