My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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