Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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