if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
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I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
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Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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