you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
