Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
