Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize