Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
