I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
