just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
