My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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