bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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