well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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