That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
