I heard we made out
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
