at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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