Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
