It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
