i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The Olympian is in my bed
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
