I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
