i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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