I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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