Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
