WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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