He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
