apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well I just put wine in my tea
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
