if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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