Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
And then he peed in my hair
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