you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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