i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
