Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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