don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
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I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
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He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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