I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
why is half of my head shaved?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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