Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
