I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
