I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
