i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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