Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
