Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
