Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
