nut hugger
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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