So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
