but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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