Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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