you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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