What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
