Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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