It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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