I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
