My room smells like vodka and shame
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
