legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
last night I used snow as a chaser
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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